Beef-Day Recap, Vol. 3

Had some cool times with the gang at a quaint little joint called (now correct me if I'm wrong, guys) Muggler's?? Well, it was fun. They had the MLB games playing on the tubes, and it was literally PACKED with all kinds of suave business men. Beyonce's "If I Was a Boy" was playing overhead on the PA system, on repeat, and God help me if we all weren't shakin' our asses! There was only one server, this hipster-lumberjack looking fella, and we all could tell he was about to blow his load! I mean, it took him about twenty minutes to fill our drinks (he wouldn't even bring 'em to us), and when mine and Caston's food arrived, his build-a-burger was ice cold, and my goddamned pepperoni pizza didn't have crust!! Oh, I was pretty steamed to say the least. But hey, we had some Pabst on tap, and some fresh tap water, so I can't complain. Then, at the after-party, we gathered around the tube to watch Decoding the Past: Nazi Prophecies on the History Channel, which was really quite cool cuz it talked about Hitler's rise to power and how these (what's the word) mystics predicted his "rise." And I'm not talking about the rise in his pants, Mr. Coltrane! It was very informative and even persuaded us to conduct our own ritualistic seances to foresee events in our own precious lives. I predicted that I'd make a guest-appearance in an episode of Ax Men sometime within the next two years, and Galveston saw images in his mind of himself eating a hot dog surrounded by cheering women. These visions of the future were too much for me to stomach, so after that, I retreated to the comfort of my shanty and started to watch Resevoir Dogs. But that bored me after about a half-hour because I couldn't grasp the concept of grown-men assassins discussing the meaning behind Madonna's "Like A Virgin" in the climatic beginning of the film, because it seemed too fucking stupid and pretentiously-written, so I ejected the DVD and popped in Ed Wood. That too bored me within fifteen minutes just cuz it's a goddamned boring film. So, I drank a Sam's Choice soda and hit the sack.

Immortal Colt Quotes:
-- "Does this thing have a dick?"
-- "Is that Richard Nixon?" (as an image of Adolf Hitler appeared on-screen)
-- "I want to touch his balls of his feet."

Lesson #23: The Thespian's Monkier

Cute Poon

i had an "ephiphany," as one would say, a few moments ago as i was drinking a DQ milkshake. the two dumb sluts who were working the drive-thru register were cracking up as they gave me my shake and cheeseburger. now, they were probably laughing at some hilarious teen gossip or cuz one of 'em let out a gassy queef. but me, being the over-the-top paranoid that i am, figured they were laughing at my expense, like "oh my god, he looks exactly like that freak-of-nature from the 'Burbs!"

the first time anyone had ever referred to me as "that guy from the 'Burbs" was at some faggotity hipster party my sophomore year. and just recently i've been hearin' it more and more. then i actually saw the shitty film myself (and want to assassinate every person who was involved in its production), and can understand how all these fucks see a "resemblance." [LOOK HE'S GOT RED-HAIR AND SLIGHT FACIAL-HAIR!] but once this joke approached me while working in a goddamned pillow factory in the middle of butt-fuck Indiana (Middletown, IN no less), i knew something had to "give." now it's like i can't go out in public without thinking in the back of my mind that everyone's fucking snickering at me.

so now, instead of being paranoid about this shit (which basically stems from my long-standing crippling insecurities), i'm gonna dye my hair jet-pink and start walking around in hispanic tunics. so at least i'll give 'em a reason to fucking laugh, as the old adage goes!


(childish, irrational rant, i know... but i don't give a snick! it's what ya call passion, babe.)

Rad Artwork heard 'round the Globe (Part 1 of Series)

Not fucking funny...

The Complete Poetic Works of Michael Madsen, Vol. I: 1995-2005

MEN
I suspect
That all great men
Have,
At one time
Or another,
Sat on the edge
Of the bed alone
And wondered
If anything
They ever did
Really mattered.

COME BACK, COME BACK, STAY SOBER!!

I feel somewhat remorseful - I obliterated their entire cause!
-- Z. Colt

We want to see the ying-and-the-yang tattoo...

I've been on a T.G. kick lately, and I can't decipher the reason. It could have something to do with that wonderful NBC show, Celeb Apprentice, which was Mr. Green's latest stab into the mainstream. I've only seen one episode of this season's - and hey, I'll be honest, it was just a fun, all-around entertaining hour of my time!

The commercials - amazing... The celebrities - at the top of their game (Scott Hamilton: A+)... and I learned some really impressive new business tips. So, no complaints here!

But that Trump, I tell ya... is there any medium he can't conquer?!