Me and my siblings received an Xbox-360 as a joint-gift for the holidays this year, and me and my younger half-brother have been on alternating shifts between him playing LEGO: Indiana Jones and myself playing Fallout 3. And let's just say, every time my hands clutch the console, I can't put it down! I don't even feel the need to leave the house, or go out and consume liquor. Now this is the high-life!
Phenomenal post, right guys?
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Results Cum In!
2008 was really a great year for tunes. Both digitally and physically. And since every blogsite in the known world is blogging about its "favorites" of the year, I thought I'd join in! I heard a helluva lot of real cool albums from an array of men and girls, and downloaded TONS, and I mean ASSLOADS, of mp3s from my favorite website, skreemr.com. My favorite mp3 that I downloaded this year was probably "Japanese Boy" by Aneka, which first sparked my heart when I heard it in the GTA: Vice City soundtrack for the PS2 gaming console. Now don't get me wrong, just cuz I "dig" a song titled "Japanese Boy" doesn't mean I'm a gay or anything, you stupid fucks! I just like it for its Asian-tinged synths and very catchy chorus. But enough hoo-hah, let's cut to the real fun...
As I hinted at earlier in this blog, I heard a helluva lot of real cool albums throughout the course of this year. These albums generated a sense of spell-binding whimsy in my heart and mind that helped me prevail through the "tough times," and console my desires. I could not have lived without them. Some of these masterworks include:
Pacific Ocean Blue, Dennis Wilson
The Beach Boys are and still one of my favorite bands. But before you start passing judgment and questioning my "manliness" for being a fan, let it be known that their music is truly touching and artists from all over the musical spectrum have acknowledged their influence, from the Pixies to Yo La Tengo to Paul McCartney (and his titties, nonetheless). SO LAY OFF! And this man, pictured above in all his chest-hair exuberance, was a member of the Beach Boys. I only listened to about three or four of the first songs on this album before I became bored with it; nevertheless, these songs were soulfully mediocre and slightly hummable. Still, nearly every musical publication in existence gave it an outstanding review, so that has to amount to somethin'! Maybe I'll give it another "run-though" in the future, like if I'm taking a shit and just happen to have it playing on my computer in the background, in the other room.
Rock 'N' Roll Jesus, Kid Rock
I think it's safe to say that this man is a hard-ass. And a goddamned creative one at that. But jeez Rock, could you lay off the controversy? How'd you think the world would react to an LP titled "Rock 'N' Roll Jesus"?! Nevertheless, Kid Rock really rocks it hard throughout. I've only heard one song off this thing, but that song, "All Summer Long" was truly a monster fucking hit all summer long. For those unaware of its appeal, it samples from two outstanding cuts of rock history: "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd (as if you didn't know) and "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon (God rest his sweet soul). It's also got some great lyrics to boot, like "sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinkin' 'bout tomorrow." Lord knows I did just that many a night during the glorious summer of '08. LOL! And I don't think a night went by where I was up at 4am and DIDN'T see its music video in heavy rotation on either VH1 or MTV "After Hours." I'd be sitting there eating some Zesta crackers and just absolutely be feelin' the summer vibe in its entirety. Purely amazing...
Duffy, Duffy
This was another flat-out, ass-kicking rock album that dominated the summer airwaves. Many a critic hailed this plus-size star as the next "Dusty Springfield" (who cemented her cult status in the annals of rock history for singing the shitty song "Son of a Preacher Man"), but I think she's more than that. Every song on this album is probably so full of soul and true, aching heartache that its greatness can't be contained. The only song that I've been blessed to hear from this stellar debut is "Mercy." And God above, it rocks. It's got saxes, a cool back-beat and some of the most unappealing vocalizations I've heard in decades. Let me give you a sample of her lyrics: "You got me beggin' you for mercy, why won't you release me?" You know she must've dove head-first into the most despairing depths of her heart to coin such powerful statements. And the music video to accompany the song is flawless, as well. It's all in black-and-white to give it the honest authenticity of a 1960s rebel-rouser, as if to think, "Was this really made in 2008?! It's fucking amazing!". And hey, I ain't complaining! Kudos to you, Ms. Duff!
SLEEPER HIT OF THE YEAR:
Feed the Animals, Girl Talk
Okay, I know its tough to earn recognition when you're overshadowed by such behemoths as Duffy (literally, in her case), Kid Rock, and Kate Perry, but this little diddy truly stole my breath. And since I couldn't think of any other noteworthy album as I was typing this, I thought I might as well mention it. It's just great. The first 45 seconds of "Still Here" are blow-worthy; anything that features snippets of "The Weight" by the Band, "Flashing Lights (ft. Dwele)" by Kanye West and the organ hook from Procol Harum's "Whiter Shade of Pale" all in the same track earns my stand-up applause.
And that's all she wrote, folks! I'm sick of writing this hackneyed bullshit, and ready to fix myself a sandwich, or salad. Hope you enjoyed the magick, and child-influenced splendor of this entry, and blog about it in your blog!
THIS IS PISS, SIGNING OUT!
As I hinted at earlier in this blog, I heard a helluva lot of real cool albums throughout the course of this year. These albums generated a sense of spell-binding whimsy in my heart and mind that helped me prevail through the "tough times," and console my desires. I could not have lived without them. Some of these masterworks include:
Pacific Ocean Blue, Dennis Wilson
The Beach Boys are and still one of my favorite bands. But before you start passing judgment and questioning my "manliness" for being a fan, let it be known that their music is truly touching and artists from all over the musical spectrum have acknowledged their influence, from the Pixies to Yo La Tengo to Paul McCartney (and his titties, nonetheless). SO LAY OFF! And this man, pictured above in all his chest-hair exuberance, was a member of the Beach Boys. I only listened to about three or four of the first songs on this album before I became bored with it; nevertheless, these songs were soulfully mediocre and slightly hummable. Still, nearly every musical publication in existence gave it an outstanding review, so that has to amount to somethin'! Maybe I'll give it another "run-though" in the future, like if I'm taking a shit and just happen to have it playing on my computer in the background, in the other room.
Rock 'N' Roll Jesus, Kid Rock
I think it's safe to say that this man is a hard-ass. And a goddamned creative one at that. But jeez Rock, could you lay off the controversy? How'd you think the world would react to an LP titled "Rock 'N' Roll Jesus"?! Nevertheless, Kid Rock really rocks it hard throughout. I've only heard one song off this thing, but that song, "All Summer Long" was truly a monster fucking hit all summer long. For those unaware of its appeal, it samples from two outstanding cuts of rock history: "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd (as if you didn't know) and "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon (God rest his sweet soul). It's also got some great lyrics to boot, like "sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinkin' 'bout tomorrow." Lord knows I did just that many a night during the glorious summer of '08. LOL! And I don't think a night went by where I was up at 4am and DIDN'T see its music video in heavy rotation on either VH1 or MTV "After Hours." I'd be sitting there eating some Zesta crackers and just absolutely be feelin' the summer vibe in its entirety. Purely amazing...
Duffy, Duffy
This was another flat-out, ass-kicking rock album that dominated the summer airwaves. Many a critic hailed this plus-size star as the next "Dusty Springfield" (who cemented her cult status in the annals of rock history for singing the shitty song "Son of a Preacher Man"), but I think she's more than that. Every song on this album is probably so full of soul and true, aching heartache that its greatness can't be contained. The only song that I've been blessed to hear from this stellar debut is "Mercy." And God above, it rocks. It's got saxes, a cool back-beat and some of the most unappealing vocalizations I've heard in decades. Let me give you a sample of her lyrics: "You got me beggin' you for mercy, why won't you release me?" You know she must've dove head-first into the most despairing depths of her heart to coin such powerful statements. And the music video to accompany the song is flawless, as well. It's all in black-and-white to give it the honest authenticity of a 1960s rebel-rouser, as if to think, "Was this really made in 2008?! It's fucking amazing!". And hey, I ain't complaining! Kudos to you, Ms. Duff!
SLEEPER HIT OF THE YEAR:
Feed the Animals, Girl Talk
Okay, I know its tough to earn recognition when you're overshadowed by such behemoths as Duffy (literally, in her case), Kid Rock, and Kate Perry, but this little diddy truly stole my breath. And since I couldn't think of any other noteworthy album as I was typing this, I thought I might as well mention it. It's just great. The first 45 seconds of "Still Here" are blow-worthy; anything that features snippets of "The Weight" by the Band, "Flashing Lights (ft. Dwele)" by Kanye West and the organ hook from Procol Harum's "Whiter Shade of Pale" all in the same track earns my stand-up applause.
And that's all she wrote, folks! I'm sick of writing this hackneyed bullshit, and ready to fix myself a sandwich, or salad. Hope you enjoyed the magick, and child-influenced splendor of this entry, and blog about it in your blog!
THIS IS PISS, SIGNING OUT!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
So...christmas is cumin' up
And as a real cool treat for all of my world-wide viewers out there, here's a real cute video of one of my favorite actresses doing what he does best: flaunting his bearded whimsy to a studio full of children! I LOVE IT!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
United Poo-Poo Service, Day 5
So I've now been employed with the UPS Delivery Task Force Service for a total of 5 days now. And I gotta say, it's very gruff work! I have to wear boots, a stylish brown toboggan, and an XL, parachute-like brown coat with a polo-like zipper. It's sexy as hell. Everyday, I get barked at by loads of dogs (some that even try to nip at my ankles) and I swear, I wanna just kick 'em in the face. Quit threatening me you damn muts!! I haven't been biten yet... but knowing my luck (and because I'm very superstitious and mystical-thinking) me ridiculing the whole situation will cause me to get mauled, as a sick joke played on me by the universe, if you will. Let's hope not, though! Fingers crossed! The one good thing I like about this line of employment is that I get to come in contact with TONS of attractive, middle-aged babies. Definitely a "fringe benefit," if you will! Haha, okay, I'm done typing for now. My twinkie hurts and I GOTTA give it a rest...
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Apology to My Readers...
Guys, this is me being real...
I am terribly sorry about that last "post." It wasn't appropriate; I just really should not have revealed that story here in the online realm. That kind of stuff is reserved for Perez and AOL chatrooms. I was a little too drunk last nite, feeling a little depressed about my pet wolf-spider's passing, and I needed to rant.
Unfortunately, due to the massive amount of e-mails and hate mail I received in response to my "Tum Butts" post below, I am now apologizing to my devout fan base. I will not let it happen again. I will not, again, let that damn bottle get the best of me. I sincerely hope that all of you will sincerely forgive me. Please don't give up on me yet.... I now pledge to provide you readers with a much more family-friendly environment, something you can show your kids and laugh at, in hopes that all of you precious men and women continue to support my passion for literature and nonverbal comedic humor.
God Bless
I am terribly sorry about that last "post." It wasn't appropriate; I just really should not have revealed that story here in the online realm. That kind of stuff is reserved for Perez and AOL chatrooms. I was a little too drunk last nite, feeling a little depressed about my pet wolf-spider's passing, and I needed to rant.
Unfortunately, due to the massive amount of e-mails and hate mail I received in response to my "Tum Butts" post below, I am now apologizing to my devout fan base. I will not let it happen again. I will not, again, let that damn bottle get the best of me. I sincerely hope that all of you will sincerely forgive me. Please don't give up on me yet.... I now pledge to provide you readers with a much more family-friendly environment, something you can show your kids and laugh at, in hopes that all of you precious men and women continue to support my passion for literature and nonverbal comedic humor.
God Bless
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Tum Butts
Okay, so last nite I was on my computer watching Hentai porn and my grandfather comes in screaming "Turn that shit off!" I was so freaked. There on my desktop was this humongous picture of an anime woman getting kooked by a tree limb and I couldn't do anything to get that picture off! Well, so grandfather beat me in the kitchen after that and right after the final belt whip hit my ass I tumbled into the table and knocked off all the plates and pizza slices that were sitting on it! It was not a good night, let me tell you. So after that, I was pretty pissed and channeled my energy by listening to Wolf Parade...
Monday, December 1, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
My God, this looks hilarious!
Everyone, please tell your friends, your family, even your acquaintences on AIM about this wonderful film because it is going to be huge! Possibly even historically remembered as a film that completely alters the way we think about films forever...
Get online, blog about it (like me!), chat with your friends online about it, post trailers of it on your Facebook account, spread the message far and wide and deep inside. This is Jim Carrey's long-awaited cinematic comeback, and lord knows, we need to show the love!
The concept of the film, if you unfortunately have not been informed of yet, is about a man who absolutely CANNOT say "no" to anything. I can't wait to see what laugh-out-loud situations this'll get ol' James into! Imagine it: a guy asks Jim for a BJ, and what can he do?! (LOL) The trailer that I just witnessed on a television commercial mere minutes ago had me in stitches. And you know trailers aren't even HALF as hilarious as the actual movie!
CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Bad Boys Have Bad Toys
Okay, so it's Election Day (Nov. 4) and I'm kinda nervous. I've been patiently anticipating this day for weeks now.... When I was at U-Mass earlier all I saw was tree after tree of Adam Sandler posters stapled to their barks. I'm not really leaning towards Sandler cuz his stance on abortion and digital "rights" doesn't really coincide with my beliefs. Ever since I witnessed Don Cheatle's riveting speech on the roof of the Pizza King down the street, I've been entranced! I mean, he was up there in a satin-pink, slant-stripped suit talking about our intervention in "Pakinstan" speaking with all his might. It was (pardon my French) hella incredible. So, I hope he wins cuz this country needs a real "turn-around." And I don't mean "reach-around" Mr. Galvie!!
Chao, y'all!
Chao, y'all!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Do you have any idea what a brain is?
Eatza Pizza is the best place in the city!! I went there today with Z.Diddy and Peet Peet and, once again, the whole atmosphere, environment and crowd was amazing. It felt like we were in the midst of some wild movie. The African-American midget wasn't working there though, so I was a bit disappointed. There was a kid there with a monstrous chin wearing black attire, which was awesome. I want to go there again tonight. Either there or Michael's because at Michael's they have this special deal where if you walk in wearing a ball cap the hostess will give you a free spanking. Now that's hot, y'all.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
This Guy's An Absolute Bad-Ass!
This is the legendary Billy Swan, best remembered in the aurals of rock history for his hit, "I Can Help" from 1975. It's a somber, but very rockin' tune about a man who is itchin' to fuck and will do anything for it. This is best exemplified in lines such as, "I've got two strong arms, I can help" and "If your child needs a daddy, I can help." I don't know if he's part Asian, because of his surname "swan," but nevertheless, he rocks the house everytime I hear his quivering voice!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Din-Din!
Lord am I starving! I don't know where I shall dine tonight, though. I mean, there's just so many extravagant places along the McGallard Strip! Maybe I'll invite Abe to Michael's again. I could tell he was head-over-heels in love with that meat-ball sub he had the last time! I think I would probably settle for the $4.99 plate of sauteed beef they have that is just TO DIE FOR!
Well, that's about all I've got to say. I'll let you cute readers know how it went with a "follow-up" post detailing my menu choice, along with other silly tid-bits from the night. See ya!
Well, that's about all I've got to say. I'll let you cute readers know how it went with a "follow-up" post detailing my menu choice, along with other silly tid-bits from the night. See ya!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Let's Get Cute
First post, everyone! In it, I shall reveal my favorite album title of all time.... Okay, here we go!
My favorite album title of all time is the esteemed "Psychic, Powerless...Another Man's Sac" EP by our beloved Butthole Surfers! And look, I shall even provide the cover of this treasure. Give it a listen, it's very cute!
My favorite album title of all time is the esteemed "Psychic, Powerless...Another Man's Sac" EP by our beloved Butthole Surfers! And look, I shall even provide the cover of this treasure. Give it a listen, it's very cute!
$0.50 Chicken Balls
So, for those of you who havent heard, I spent a HEFTY amount of money on a bucket of cream-filled, buffalo chicken balls at the Lock Room this weekend. Needless to say, I was ticked off! They were pretty fulfilling, though. But the real reason I was/am so steamed is because on the menu on the wall it simply stated: "Daily Special - $0.50 Chicken Balls." I'm not totally sure the menu called them "balls" but it was something along those lines....
So I tell the petite waitress I want some, she asks how many (in multiples of 6), I say 12. Now, since the shit was advertised as a "special," I assumed I would get the bucket for cheap. You know, like 6 balls for fifty cent! But no, I ended up paying a whopping $6, which could've been used for a number of tasty things, like a chocolate shake at the McDonald's, or a bottle of Mad Dog, or even a matinee ticket to see "Body of Lies."
Now, in order to receive the vengenance that I well deserve, I'm going to go to the Locker Room THIS upcoming Friday night and order a single chicken sphere for $0.50 just to show those M.F-ers how absurd their "special" is!!
So I tell the petite waitress I want some, she asks how many (in multiples of 6), I say 12. Now, since the shit was advertised as a "special," I assumed I would get the bucket for cheap. You know, like 6 balls for fifty cent! But no, I ended up paying a whopping $6, which could've been used for a number of tasty things, like a chocolate shake at the McDonald's, or a bottle of Mad Dog, or even a matinee ticket to see "Body of Lies."
Now, in order to receive the vengenance that I well deserve, I'm going to go to the Locker Room THIS upcoming Friday night and order a single chicken sphere for $0.50 just to show those M.F-ers how absurd their "special" is!!
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