Beef-Day Recap, Vol. 3

Had some cool times with the gang at a quaint little joint called (now correct me if I'm wrong, guys) Muggler's?? Well, it was fun. They had the MLB games playing on the tubes, and it was literally PACKED with all kinds of suave business men. Beyonce's "If I Was a Boy" was playing overhead on the PA system, on repeat, and God help me if we all weren't shakin' our asses! There was only one server, this hipster-lumberjack looking fella, and we all could tell he was about to blow his load! I mean, it took him about twenty minutes to fill our drinks (he wouldn't even bring 'em to us), and when mine and Caston's food arrived, his build-a-burger was ice cold, and my goddamned pepperoni pizza didn't have crust!! Oh, I was pretty steamed to say the least. But hey, we had some Pabst on tap, and some fresh tap water, so I can't complain. Then, at the after-party, we gathered around the tube to watch Decoding the Past: Nazi Prophecies on the History Channel, which was really quite cool cuz it talked about Hitler's rise to power and how these (what's the word) mystics predicted his "rise." And I'm not talking about the rise in his pants, Mr. Coltrane! It was very informative and even persuaded us to conduct our own ritualistic seances to foresee events in our own precious lives. I predicted that I'd make a guest-appearance in an episode of Ax Men sometime within the next two years, and Galveston saw images in his mind of himself eating a hot dog surrounded by cheering women. These visions of the future were too much for me to stomach, so after that, I retreated to the comfort of my shanty and started to watch Resevoir Dogs. But that bored me after about a half-hour because I couldn't grasp the concept of grown-men assassins discussing the meaning behind Madonna's "Like A Virgin" in the climatic beginning of the film, because it seemed too fucking stupid and pretentiously-written, so I ejected the DVD and popped in Ed Wood. That too bored me within fifteen minutes just cuz it's a goddamned boring film. So, I drank a Sam's Choice soda and hit the sack.

Immortal Colt Quotes:
-- "Does this thing have a dick?"
-- "Is that Richard Nixon?" (as an image of Adolf Hitler appeared on-screen)
-- "I want to touch his balls of his feet."